Chanukas Hatoilet

While everyone else was busy having a Chanukas Hamenorah, we were hosting a Chanukas Hatoilet. Yes BH, this past Friday, two hours before Shabbos, we were please to welcome to our family a nice new bathroom with a flush and everything. What, you may ask, did you do while your bathroom was being remade? Did you perhaps stay in a five star hotel that your landlord paid for? Or did you go to your parents or in-laws and have a nice vacation? Which of these two options did we do, you are wondering? Well, I will tell you. Damdamadam.... Drum roll....

Neither one! We stayed home! In our house! With no toilet! Yes, we know we're awesome and have super-powers, but just how awesome we are, you are about to find out.

Our landlord brought us a camping toilet which looks like an adults' size potty. All we had to do was empty it in the morning (we will not get into the logistical question of how or where to empty it). For a couple nights, it was ok because we put it in the bathroom during the night amidst the screws and glass and drills and hoped to G-d that our kids would make it directly to the "toilet" without any mishaps/accidents (of all kinds) along the way. But then, the guy told us in his cheavy Russian accent that "Vee are not allowed, under any circumstances, to use toilet in zee bassroom. Toilet is not for use in bassroom." Duh, why didn't we think of that?!

So the camping toilet migrated to.... damdadam... the guest room! Uh huh, I'm not kidding. Now that was an adventure!
Me, when I couldn't stand it any longer: "Miriam, can you please watch the kids so they don't come in while I use the toilet in the guest room?"
Miriam: "Huh?"
Chaim: "Can you come out? I need to make!"
Me: "Chaim, use the other potty in your room."
Wow, come to think of it, for one week we had two bathrooms!! How luxurious!

Were there any perks to having your bathroom redone, you might ask? Well, there were a few.

First and foremost, obviously, the biggest perk was that we could use it as an excuse for everything:

"Oh, sorry, I missed your wedding. I have no toilet."
"Sorry I failed my exam but I had no bathroom."
"My kids smell horrendous? Oh it's cuz they haven't had a bath since last Tuesday."
"No dinner guys! We have to go Yakimono because we haven't got a toilet."

And we could use it show everyone how amazing we are:

"I made latkes AND I don't even have a toilet!"
"I took an exam WITHOUT a toilet!"
"I didn't yell at my kids WHILE NOT HAVING A TOILET!!"
"I skipped my morning coffee BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A TOILET" (That was just common sense).

Second perk was that we got to visit all kinds of bathrooms. I went to Bais Rivka and Yeshivah early for pickup. I went to the gym to use their showers and Zvi went to hockey. Stayed at my sister's for Shabbos and got some great bonding time with their bathroom. Plus, I snuck into their house in the middle of the night while they were sleeping to take a shower and shnorrer some snacks (hey, I don't have a toilet, I'm allowed). The kids got to have a bath in our friends giant jaccuzi.
Our favorite bathroom? Definitely the Quality Hotel's basement bathroom. (That was a joke, don't EVER go there).

Third Perk is that the drip drip drip noise that came from the faucet for the last year is no longer and we can now give our kids a bath that stays warm and doesn't become freezing from the cold drip drip drips within five minutes.

Fourth perk, we will have something funny to look back and laugh about. Not today though cuz we still don't have a our shower curtain rod so every inch of the bathroom is soaked. And our camping toilet is still sitting in our new bathroom reminding us of the horror. But when this is all over, you are all invited to our grand Chanukas Hatoilet!